I woke up and wiped the drool on my face.
I got up and stretched my back that ached.
I went downstairs and stared at the mirror.
I stared into my eyes which were filled with horror.
Tired eyes with hints of gloom.
Lifeless eyes deprived of boon.
Why? Because of a hideous fate and that is the rat race.
A trap with billions of participants and I am now part of the chase.
Sleep, wake up and eat.
Go to work, go home and repeat.
Have a drink with friends on the weekends.
Be a lazy sloth and forget about the goals you should tend.
Play video games, watch movies and at times watch some porn.
Go out, eat some street foods and a little bit of sweet corn.
Spending my time like this sure is fun.
Life is truly more fun in the Philippines with no intended pun.
But at the end of every day,
I can’t help but feel like I’ve wasted my life away.
I get too distracted and I begin to forget myself.
My mind then begins to drift off somewhere else.
I then lose my dream, my goal and a part of myself.
All thanks to the world’s insidious spells.
So I decided to take the day off.
I figured to just sit down and daze off.
I let my consciousness drift away to the back of my mind.
A place where I left something behind.
I simply allowed myself to have a much needed rewind.
So I traced my steps back to the beginning.
I travelled through time to retrieve a feeling.
An emotion that inspired me to keep on dreaming.
A goal I promised to keep on chasing.
I needed to remind myself why I need to keep on going.
When anger creeps up to your core.
When it begins to seep out of your pores.
When clenching your fist has become typical.
When fighting becomes too normal.
Bickering and pain becomes all the usual.
Shouts emanating from the room.
A man pushes his partner and hits her with a broom.
A woman spits venomous words that only brings gloom.
A quarrel taken too far resulting in doom.
Is this what love is truly about?
Letting negative emotions speak aloud?
Isn’t love supposed to make you feel happy and proud?
So why are couples so full of doubt?
I don’t even know anymore
And I don’t think there is a cure.
People always allow those monsters to reign.
They always let them set fire to the rain.
They always make them continue the pain.
When no one once again cares about you,
You begin to rediscover a disturbing truth.
The truth is no one gives a fuck what you do.
Nobody cares if you kill yourself and that’s true.
‘Cause the people who I thought were my family left me alone to rot.
They simply up and left me in my self-destructive knot.
I walk around a house full of strangers.
I don’t even need to hide my scars, they don’t even think it’s dangerous.
The woman I loved laughed at my situation.
She didn’t even care about my miserable disposition.
So I use a blade as company so I wouldn’t be blue.
I keep him close to me, just in case I have a job for him to do.
I pick him up, place him on top of my skin and I slash away my pain.
I’ve got nothing lose anyways and I’ve got nothing to gain.
As the blades cut through my skin,
Familiar wounds are reopened once again.
The cuts bleed out all the misery and pain.
They provide a temporary release from suffering and maim.
They hurt, but they’re like a drug to me.
A drug that numbs my heartaches as I harm myself physically.
In exchange for slashing myself and I bleed somewhat profusely,
It’s a drug that relaxes my problems and anxiety.
I cut myself because no one truly cares.
They only think about themselves and that seems to be fair.
So I’ll just stay in my prison until I fall into despair.
I’ll talk to the demons who came back for me from hell.
Go on and live your life, don’t worry about me.
Go ahead and move on and focus on being happy.
Don’t mind me because I’m used to being lonely.
I’m used to keeping misery as my own company.
Don’t think about the nights that we spent cuddling.
Don’t think about the days that we wasted hugging.
Forget about the times in which we both were laughing
And don’t even recall all the moments that we were loving.
Loving each other and being in each other’s arms.
Erase those memories when we protected each other from harm.
Obliterate those thoughts that we treated each other like charms.
Go ahead and find yourself a greener pasture and a farm.
Don’t wallow in our past that was filled with love.
Filled with hugs and kisses which was a gift from above.
Go ahead and fly like a beautiful little dove
And let me drown in my sorrows ’cause they fit just like a glove.
Maybe it’s time I took caution for what I say.
‘Cause I’ve noticed things go bad that way.
It seems my tactlessness can’t be handled by some.
It seems as though it’s bad to be the honest one.
I’ve noticed that the words I say can hurt people.
It makes them retreat in their shells like a turtle.
But why do they react like that?
Is it really that bad?
Or is it because some people just can’t handle the truth?
If so, then I guess it’s bad to bear the honest fruit.
Or maybe they can’t handle it because they’re lying to themselves?
If so, then I guess it’s best to leave them by themselves.
I guess it’s time that I really just keep quiet.
I guess it’s time to let people and things be as they want it.
Honestly, I’m tired of showing that I care
Only to be misunderstood by people as bias and unfair.
This time, my honesty, opinion and advice is something they’ll never hear.
As I was scanning the images in my phone, left and right,
I saw your pictures last night.
I saw your beauty again, along with its imperfections.
I saw the eyes that made me fall in love like it was an addiction.
I remembered the times that we spent together.
The times filled with joy and laughter.
The times that we filled the night with love.
The times when we were both floating above.
Above cloud nine, yeah those were the days.
Then I remembered how our love soured in different ways.
Joy was replaced with anger
While jealousy took place over laughter.
Our love quickly spiraled down and we soon lost it.
Our love was now in broken pieces and shattered bits.
Our love was left to be a former shadow of itself.
Our love became a poisonous liquid and we drank it ourselves.
But despite the bad ending that we got
And though our story ended up in misery,
I still love you along with our not so pleasant memories.
I still love you for who you are and we’ll always be tied with a knot.